Navigating Networking!
Have you ever wanted to hide behind a plant at a networking event? I have! My clients rarely tell me they love going to networking events. And yet, many of us need to regularly network. Recently, several members of our Thriving Together Group (for Neurodivergent Women - ADHD & Anxiety) identified that they need to network at industry events for their new businesses. Most of us feel a degree of nervousness when we network, especially when we are starting a new venture of our own. Add in a neurodivergent brain with its vast creative imagination which can easily flip to the other side of the same coin: anxiety. Highly imaginative people can also imagine all the ways things might go wrong. Plus, combine all this with the emotional and sensory sensitivities that ND people experience - and networking events can feel overwhelming and cause outright avoidance.
If networking is in line with your values (i.e. building your career or business to support yourself and your family members) and you are choosing to do it despite the discomfort that often comes along with it), below are the skills we practiced to take small steps towards our dreams and goals this week. I hope these help you too. Please reach out if you would like to learn more and please share any skills that you use - I’d love to add them to our list!
The Skills:
ND Affirming Self Care - Sensory grounding tips from Dr. Megan Neff of Neurodivergent Insights: Acknowledge that the networking event will be a high sensory experience, so plan some self care for before, during and or after.
Before - are there any demands you can drop the day before or day of that will preserve spoons for going to the event and engaging in small talk plus navigate a high sensory environment?
During - wear clothing that feels good (for me it’s snug clothing), play quiet stim music in an earbud, try a little aromatherapy (but be mindful to use sparingly as many people are sensitive to scents (I keep a tiny lavender oil in my purse and dab it under my nose)), bring mints or gum, and bring a small fidget item or two for discreet stimming.
After - plan to rest and or do a sensory detox if possible (showers or a bath with low light or just a candle in my bathroom help me recover from a high sensory experience).
DBT - We reviewed DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 11: Finding and Getting People to Like You. In this handout Marsha Linehan reviews that human beings are lovable, but finding friends (or networking) may take effort on your part. This handout is full of small, specific steps we can practice for connecting with people.
As a neurodivergent (ADHD) clinician, I find DBT so helpful. In group, we often use DBT skills for learning to observe our thoughts and feelings, problem solving and self sooth using our senses (favorites include looking at the stars, taking a shower and sipping tea). For today’s discussion on navigating networking events, we reviewed an interpersonal handout that I only recently discovered. In Finding and Getting People To Like You, Marsha covers things like: how to join a group conversation and how to tell if a group is open or closed by noticing body language and other behaviors one can observe. Are people standing close together, tending only to one another, talking in an animated fashion with few gaps (closed) or is there more physical space between members, they glance around the room, talk about topics of general interest and there are gaps in the conversation (open).
If you’d prefer to practice one on one with people instead, we identified a skill of approaching a person who is standing alone and saying “mind if I join you?”. “Mind if I join you” is also a question you can use with joining groups btw. And we practiced adding open ended questions like “what brings you to this gathering?”. One member shared how she used her deep empathy (for someone who sat alone at a networking event) as a motivator to connect (and ACT despite her own nervousness).
Next we created our specific plans for the events. I shared that I will often make a plan to arrive on the early side before it gets too noisy. When I am surrounded by many conversations I hear (what feels like) all of them and find it challenging to focus on one. Side note, I’m going to try loop earplugs to see if they help me filter background noise and focus on the conversation I want to engage in.
Other wonderful ideas that surfaced from our group included inviting a friend to go with us, wearing statement jewelry or a bright outfit (possible conversation starter for others), and thanking the organizers for hosting the event. If it’s a conference and there are speakers or panels, do a little research on them and write down some questions in advance.
Lastly, another way to practice connecting with others is by joining a neurodivergent affirming therapy group. If you are interested, feel free to connect with our practice to learn if one of our groups can help you reach your dreams and goals. If you are not in California, there are resources on CHADD.org or ASAN. You belong!
